Pot cookies. Why am I eating pot cookies? I've been stoned these past three nights. I don't like it, I don't like being around people when I'm high, and so I've just been super hermit like lately. Yet I keep wanting to be this way. Maybe I feel like it's helping me with stress? Didn't Robin say I'd be a happier person if I was a stoner?
February 10, 2010
February 9, 2010
I sprained my ankle, then you sprained my heart.
Gah, I can't believe I didn't post yesterday, that's so annoying, I hate missing things like that. Now, posting everyday isn't going to be as important. :/ It's ridiculous, because it's almost OCD, and I only get like that when I'm denying to myself that I'm stressed out.
Anyways.
Yesterday was Monday, I had an appt with the counselor at 10 am. She helped me do my taxes. I'll hopefully be getting them all back. That will help me pay of my horse boarding fee's. Then I went back home, at some lunch and then headed back downtown.
I got to Robins, and we waited for our ride, but it never came. I decided to hitchhike into town because I needed shampoo's and things for my life.
I got to Nelson about 2pm, picked up my contacts, stopped in at the candy store ^.^ and then headed down to the mall after picking up a dream journal. I got a hold of Tim, and he came to meet me. I finished up what I had to do there, buy shampoo, conditioner, razors and a birthday card. Then we headed back up to Baker street for some SUSHI! My bank decided to be an asshole and hold my money though, so Tim had to get my bill for me again :/... I fail. We headed home.
I got up to my place and was stunned and appalled to find the new facebook layout plastered all over my homepage. It's really ugly and shitty and all confusing and nonsense-like. It made me mad.
Devon and Robin came to my house at around 8, and we all went up to Harmony's and hung out. Robin had made cookies and we ate some of them. I decided to walk home at about 11 pm. That was kinda sketchy but I was on the phone with Marissa, one of my Edmonton friends, so if a cougar did attack me at least someone would know. Haha.
I kinda felt bad though because I woke her up x_x; I hate waking people up by calling them. It just seems rude somehow. And every time I just call, instead of texting first, that's what happens. I think it should just be general rule for me to text people before I call them. Everytime.
Anywho, I haven't done much today. I woke up at 11 am and just chilled in my bed, read some blogs and cried about facebook some more. My mom called and asked me what was up with the bank but I haven't done anything about it yet, I'll mish downtown later and go check it out.
Marissa is sending Tina home soon! I'm excited, I miss that not book. I'm eager to see what Mar and her friends did to Tina B.
Anyways.
Yesterday was Monday, I had an appt with the counselor at 10 am. She helped me do my taxes. I'll hopefully be getting them all back. That will help me pay of my horse boarding fee's. Then I went back home, at some lunch and then headed back downtown.
I got to Robins, and we waited for our ride, but it never came. I decided to hitchhike into town because I needed shampoo's and things for my life.
I got to Nelson about 2pm, picked up my contacts, stopped in at the candy store ^.^ and then headed down to the mall after picking up a dream journal. I got a hold of Tim, and he came to meet me. I finished up what I had to do there, buy shampoo, conditioner, razors and a birthday card. Then we headed back up to Baker street for some SUSHI! My bank decided to be an asshole and hold my money though, so Tim had to get my bill for me again :/... I fail. We headed home.
I got up to my place and was stunned and appalled to find the new facebook layout plastered all over my homepage. It's really ugly and shitty and all confusing and nonsense-like. It made me mad.
Devon and Robin came to my house at around 8, and we all went up to Harmony's and hung out. Robin had made cookies and we ate some of them. I decided to walk home at about 11 pm. That was kinda sketchy but I was on the phone with Marissa, one of my Edmonton friends, so if a cougar did attack me at least someone would know. Haha.
I kinda felt bad though because I woke her up x_x; I hate waking people up by calling them. It just seems rude somehow. And every time I just call, instead of texting first, that's what happens. I think it should just be general rule for me to text people before I call them. Everytime.
Anywho, I haven't done much today. I woke up at 11 am and just chilled in my bed, read some blogs and cried about facebook some more. My mom called and asked me what was up with the bank but I haven't done anything about it yet, I'll mish downtown later and go check it out.
Marissa is sending Tina home soon! I'm excited, I miss that not book. I'm eager to see what Mar and her friends did to Tina B.
V-day: I don't even care anymore.
Grad photo's: 3 days.
Edmonton: 19 days.
Grad photo's: 3 days.
Edmonton: 19 days.
February 7, 2010
Hayley Dom Slacker.
Bah! Last night was a bit of a gong show. So many people were upset or depressed with life. It was all rubbing off on me and I hate that. Oh well.
Holly came into town and came over to my house, then Tim and Devon showed up and we started to drink vodka slimes. We headed over to Tim's house, sort of a rally point and then all walked down to Pat's. He wasn't there. So a big group of us were standing around trying to figure out wth to do with our sorry selves. I felt like I was in grade 9 again. It was really warm out, I wouldn't have minded someone starting a fire or something and just hanging out outside.
Holly and I went downtown to pick up the katimavik kids. Someone found Pat and so Nicola came down and picked up Rose and Alyssa while Holly, Katima-Tim and I all walked back to Pat's. Things were good. I was a little stressed out about life again.
Eventually I got into a better mood. The vodka and lime probably aided that a bit. It was a pretty good night all in all. Some dramatic shit went down just before we left. Tempers flew and angry words were tossed around. Holly and I got home around 4 am. We made burrito's and had grapefruit juice and more vodka. Then we went to sleep.
I was awoken by my roomate's son who dropped of the dog while he went out somewhere for the day. It was about 11:30. Tim called me. We got up and ate some food and then lazed around some more. Holly went home at about 2:30.
I'm a little bit worried about this whole Edmonton thing still. I know that if everything goes terribly wrong, I can come back here though. It's nice to know that. It's like a safety net that I would be glad to fall back on. I hope things work out in that bloody city. I have so many things I need to come to terms with regarding that place. There are so many places I want to visit, to reenact certain memories as an adult. Compare them with my childhood recollections.
I haven't been doing any schoolwork or anything lately. I've been slacking. Tomorrow I have an appt at 10 am with Susan, my counselor. She's going to help me do my taxes. Then I go into Nelson, get my last math assignment, and figure out my last biology assignment. I need to buy shampoo and razors and bubble bath tomorrow. Then I need to get my hair done for grad photo's :/ ugh.
Holly came into town and came over to my house, then Tim and Devon showed up and we started to drink vodka slimes. We headed over to Tim's house, sort of a rally point and then all walked down to Pat's. He wasn't there. So a big group of us were standing around trying to figure out wth to do with our sorry selves. I felt like I was in grade 9 again. It was really warm out, I wouldn't have minded someone starting a fire or something and just hanging out outside.
Holly and I went downtown to pick up the katimavik kids. Someone found Pat and so Nicola came down and picked up Rose and Alyssa while Holly, Katima-Tim and I all walked back to Pat's. Things were good. I was a little stressed out about life again.
Eventually I got into a better mood. The vodka and lime probably aided that a bit. It was a pretty good night all in all. Some dramatic shit went down just before we left. Tempers flew and angry words were tossed around. Holly and I got home around 4 am. We made burrito's and had grapefruit juice and more vodka. Then we went to sleep.
I was awoken by my roomate's son who dropped of the dog while he went out somewhere for the day. It was about 11:30. Tim called me. We got up and ate some food and then lazed around some more. Holly went home at about 2:30.
I'm a little bit worried about this whole Edmonton thing still. I know that if everything goes terribly wrong, I can come back here though. It's nice to know that. It's like a safety net that I would be glad to fall back on. I hope things work out in that bloody city. I have so many things I need to come to terms with regarding that place. There are so many places I want to visit, to reenact certain memories as an adult. Compare them with my childhood recollections.
I haven't been doing any schoolwork or anything lately. I've been slacking. Tomorrow I have an appt at 10 am with Susan, my counselor. She's going to help me do my taxes. Then I go into Nelson, get my last math assignment, and figure out my last biology assignment. I need to buy shampoo and razors and bubble bath tomorrow. Then I need to get my hair done for grad photo's :/ ugh.
V-day: 7 days.
Grad photo's: 4 days.
Edmonton: 20 days.
Grad photo's: 4 days.
Edmonton: 20 days.
February 6, 2010
Composing Disposition
I went out with Tim last night. We went over to Pat's. Bunch of people were there. The katimavik kids, Nicola, Jayson and that crew. Tim gave me the rest of the peach vodka he had the other night. It was a pretty low key get together. We played 'fuck the dealer'.
I think it's a good idea for me to quite bringing my phone to parties with me. Drunk dialing is not 'ftw'. People get their drunken feelings hurt too easily.
Tim and I left Pat's place at around 2 am. I was pretty drunk. I wanted to walk home but decided to just stay the night at Tim's. I got up at 7 am with Tim, who had to go to work, and then he gave me a ride home. I slept until about 11.
I didn't really do much today. I'm going out to Pat's again tonight with Holly and Tim, and the Katima-peeps. I will not be drinking beer. I found out today that I'm allergic to something in it. I had one beer last night and I had a killer fucking headache all day.
V-day: 8 days.
Edmonton: 20 days.
I think it's a good idea for me to quite bringing my phone to parties with me. Drunk dialing is not 'ftw'. People get their drunken feelings hurt too easily.
Tim and I left Pat's place at around 2 am. I was pretty drunk. I wanted to walk home but decided to just stay the night at Tim's. I got up at 7 am with Tim, who had to go to work, and then he gave me a ride home. I slept until about 11.
I didn't really do much today. I'm going out to Pat's again tonight with Holly and Tim, and the Katima-peeps. I will not be drinking beer. I found out today that I'm allergic to something in it. I had one beer last night and I had a killer fucking headache all day.
V-day: 8 days.
Edmonton: 20 days.
February 5, 2010
Sleep lust.
I stayed the night at Harmony's house last night. It was sort of spontaneous and on the spot. Tim was over visiting and he offered to drive me over to her house. I agreed because my roommate was gone for the night and I wasn't looking forward to staying in the house alone. Especially because I was not feeling %100 upbeat.
I didn't sleep most of the night. Things kept running through my head. Irrational fears and unreasonable anxieties. Wanting love, destitute lust. People flicked across my thoughts, so many of the new people I've met. I know my thoughts of them will change, my initial roots of judgment will take and my perspectives of these people will change.
I came home this morning at around nine. I willed myself to stay awake, but I quickly gave in and slept until 2.
Sleep was the only thing I wanted when I woke up. My head was groggy, my blankets were to warm and I was angry that I had woken up. Slowly I collected my thoughts, they became rational. I needed to get up and eat, start on the giant mess that is my room. So I did.
I have most of my life sorted out, regarding what boxes of personal items I'm taking with me and which I'm letting go.
Once I get everything sorted out and neatly stacked in the corner of my room, I'm going to start working out. Maybe do yoga or something to get some endorphins in my body.
I miss that girl so much it's ridiculous. I wish she would just come home already. That would make me very happy.
I didn't sleep most of the night. Things kept running through my head. Irrational fears and unreasonable anxieties. Wanting love, destitute lust. People flicked across my thoughts, so many of the new people I've met. I know my thoughts of them will change, my initial roots of judgment will take and my perspectives of these people will change.
I came home this morning at around nine. I willed myself to stay awake, but I quickly gave in and slept until 2.
Sleep was the only thing I wanted when I woke up. My head was groggy, my blankets were to warm and I was angry that I had woken up. Slowly I collected my thoughts, they became rational. I needed to get up and eat, start on the giant mess that is my room. So I did.
I have most of my life sorted out, regarding what boxes of personal items I'm taking with me and which I'm letting go.
Once I get everything sorted out and neatly stacked in the corner of my room, I'm going to start working out. Maybe do yoga or something to get some endorphins in my body.
"Working out gives you endorphins!
Endorphins
make you happy.
Happiness
makes you
fucking crazy, fucking crazy,
fucking crazy"
Endorphins
make you happy.
Happiness
makes you
fucking crazy, fucking crazy,
fucking crazy"
I miss that girl so much it's ridiculous. I wish she would just come home already. That would make me very happy.
V-day: 9 days.
Edmonton: 21 Days.
Edmonton: 21 Days.
February 4, 2010
Unhappy thoughts.
So, today, I woke up at 8:40 am, and I laid in my bed and asked myself "Why should I get up? What do I need to do right now that's worth anything?" then I closed my curtains and forced myself back to sleep. I finally crawled out of bed at noon, stoked the fire and fed myself. I showered and then finished my math assignment.
I can feel this sort of dark cloud moving overhead. I'm keeping just ahead of it, but I can see it. I can feel it. It has the potential to ruin this all for me. I'm keeping just ahead of it right now. I'm tired of everything right now. I'm tired of people, words, food, parties. I'm tired of the cold and the dark and damp.
I think things are just starting to get at me a little. I'm a bit stressed out. I have a lot of things to do before I leave, and I've got so little time to do everything. I need to keep my chin up.
Everything will work out just fine.
I can feel this sort of dark cloud moving overhead. I'm keeping just ahead of it, but I can see it. I can feel it. It has the potential to ruin this all for me. I'm keeping just ahead of it right now. I'm tired of everything right now. I'm tired of people, words, food, parties. I'm tired of the cold and the dark and damp.
I think things are just starting to get at me a little. I'm a bit stressed out. I have a lot of things to do before I leave, and I've got so little time to do everything. I need to keep my chin up.
Everything will work out just fine.
V-Day: 10 days.
Edmonton: 22 days.
Edmonton: 22 days.
February 3, 2010
Over bearing mind.
TUESDAY
Made cheesecake and then went over to Tims and hung out for a bit. It was Cam's birthday so we went over there and drank a bit with a few people. Cam was sort of depressed and it kinda rubbed off on me. I got home at midnight and talked to Tim then went to sleep.
TODAY
Woke up early ish, ate breakfast and brought Harmony cheesecake at the school, but she had left to go home. I gave it to Holly and the boys. Then I went down to Selkirk for an aboriginal support thing. It was alright.
I had a bit of a spat with my brother today over something he said to one of my friends. It's all good now. I've been getting a little too stressed out lately and I kinda blew a fuse last night and wrote some shit on facebook, anyways it's all good now.
I wonder if I'm getting a little off topic talking about emotional things that don't have anything to with me moving to the city.
Made cheesecake and then went over to Tims and hung out for a bit. It was Cam's birthday so we went over there and drank a bit with a few people. Cam was sort of depressed and it kinda rubbed off on me. I got home at midnight and talked to Tim then went to sleep.
TODAY
Woke up early ish, ate breakfast and brought Harmony cheesecake at the school, but she had left to go home. I gave it to Holly and the boys. Then I went down to Selkirk for an aboriginal support thing. It was alright.
I had a bit of a spat with my brother today over something he said to one of my friends. It's all good now. I've been getting a little too stressed out lately and I kinda blew a fuse last night and wrote some shit on facebook, anyways it's all good now.
I wonder if I'm getting a little off topic talking about emotional things that don't have anything to with me moving to the city.
V-Day: 11 Days
Edmonton: 23 Days
Edmonton: 23 Days
February 1, 2010
Monday Mournings.
SATURDAY
So we moved. It didn't take very long. We started at 10 am and finished moving everything by 1. Marlene and I had lunch with her boyfriend and his son. That was nice. I had a quiet night unpacking stuff. Marlene's house is really nice, I have the bedroom downstairs. It's nice, I have a little more space. I started unpacking and then went to sleep around 11.
SUNDAY
Tim went out and then called me at 2 am. That was funny. I like receiving calls in the middle of the night. Makes me feel important. I started on my room again and then made a really yummy curry chicken dish. Marlene and I got all my stuff out of storage.Tim came and picked me up and we watched 'Trailer Park Boys - Countdown to liquor day'.
TODAY
Today I tried to get my internet hooked back up but they said it should be up tomorrow around noon. I was going to make cheesecake but then I had to go to nelson. I went to the school and saw Holly and Harmony, signed up for my grad photo's and then headed down to Robins. We went to Nelson, did math and then went out for mexican food at this little hole in the wall "El Taco" SO GOOD. Got home around 6, and then started going through more boxes.
I found whole bunch of journals and stuff from two years ago. We'll get into that later. I found a bunch of my film photography stuff too. That was nice. It's hard to get rid of a lot of shit. Things that people own, define who they are, and I'm letting so much of it go to save room for the car. It's hard to shed that skin.
Currently I am at Tim's, going to watch a movie and then go home to sort through more of my stuff. Tomorrow I need to go see my teacher about my transcript shit. The ministry of education fails me.
So we moved. It didn't take very long. We started at 10 am and finished moving everything by 1. Marlene and I had lunch with her boyfriend and his son. That was nice. I had a quiet night unpacking stuff. Marlene's house is really nice, I have the bedroom downstairs. It's nice, I have a little more space. I started unpacking and then went to sleep around 11.
SUNDAY
Tim went out and then called me at 2 am. That was funny. I like receiving calls in the middle of the night. Makes me feel important. I started on my room again and then made a really yummy curry chicken dish. Marlene and I got all my stuff out of storage.Tim came and picked me up and we watched 'Trailer Park Boys - Countdown to liquor day'.
TODAY
Today I tried to get my internet hooked back up but they said it should be up tomorrow around noon. I was going to make cheesecake but then I had to go to nelson. I went to the school and saw Holly and Harmony, signed up for my grad photo's and then headed down to Robins. We went to Nelson, did math and then went out for mexican food at this little hole in the wall "El Taco" SO GOOD. Got home around 6, and then started going through more boxes.
I found whole bunch of journals and stuff from two years ago. We'll get into that later. I found a bunch of my film photography stuff too. That was nice. It's hard to get rid of a lot of shit. Things that people own, define who they are, and I'm letting so much of it go to save room for the car. It's hard to shed that skin.
Currently I am at Tim's, going to watch a movie and then go home to sort through more of my stuff. Tomorrow I need to go see my teacher about my transcript shit. The ministry of education fails me.
V-day: 14 days.
Edmonton: 26 days.
Edmonton: 26 days.
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