I've been spending a lot of my time with someone. And when I say a lot, I mean that I've been around this person pretty much everyday since May 10th. I think I've probably had about 3 days total that I haven't been with her.
No, it's not Marissa.
Things with Marissa are bad. Since the whole mess up on my part, things haven't been the same. She tried though, she invited me over twice to hang out. I bailed the second time and then things just got worse. Tara and I are mostly why Mar is so angry at me. We've been really close as I previously stated. Marissa feels really slighted. It's understandable. I mean she's known them for 3 years and I've been here 3 months and I've wormed my way into their lives so easily. Even I feel a little bad about it. I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to make an effort regarding our friendship though. She won't talk to me about anything and continues to be aggressive and make violent gestures towards me. I'm tired of having this happen and not know why. I was going to give her an option, to open up, talk to me and I would try my hardest to save what was left of our friendship or I was going to stop all together and put my energy somewhere else. Yesterday, I chose option B. When I see her again, I'm going to calmly explain my decision and leave it at that.
I keep feeling up and down about my decision. I feel bad and then I don't care. I dunno. I'm just unsure about a lot of things right now. The full moon isn't helping with anything. I keep thinking stupid and silly thoughts about everything. My paranoia is through the roof.
I went camping with Tara, Jake, Marissa, Nessy, Josh and Lukey this past weekend. We didn't really have a solid plan except that we were going to Drumheller for a night and a day and then towards the mountains to camp for the next 4 days. It was really cool. We left the city really late. Marissa and Tara left to go pickup Nessy in Calgary and I waited for Jake to get off work. We ended up leaving the city by 8. We arrived in Drumheller about 11 and got to the campsite about 11:45 ish. We didn't stay up for very long, and we up and about early that morning. Tara and I went on a quick little mish up to the top of this hill that had a Canadian flag on the top.
I've never been to the badlands. It was really pretty and amazing. There was sage everywhere and it was relatively warm out. It's so different, the landscape, from anything I've seen before. I want to go back and stay for longer.
Anyways, we went to the Hoodoo's, the suspension bridge, and the coal mine/abandoned mining town and then we went to the Dinosaur Museum. It was really amazing. These types of things blow my mind. I can't comprehend them. I can't believe them. Dinosaurs are badass. We were all really tired, and hungry and crabby but we headed out towards Canmore at about 2 pm. The drive was filled with anticipation. The mountains crested the horizon and I forgot to alert Tara to the turn off onto the highway.
I felt like crying and screaming and laughing the closer we got to the mountains. I asked myself multiple times what was stopping me from just sticking out my thumb and hitching home. I didn't though. We arrived in Canmore with no plan and no campsite reserved or anything. It was leaning on 7pm. Someone mentioned Spray lakes and I recalled reading up on Spray lakes while waiting at Brandon's for Jake. We went out there and luckily found us a nice spot.
Alberta camping is such a queer thing. You need to pay for this and that, pay for the campsite, pay for firewood. It's really strange. I'm so used to just going out, pitching a tent and going into the bush and picking up logs for wood. And water, you get from a lake or a stream. No we bought a water purifier for almost $100. I mean that I understand, I wouldn't drink lake/stream water from anywhere in Alberta.
We got to Spray lakes. It was beautiful and frozen. The temperature wasn't preferable but we dealt with it anyways. The nights were cold, and we went into town pretty much everyday. The third day out on Spray lakes, we went out for a hike up Mount Indefatigable, also known as Mt. Fatty. That was something else. It was a moderate climb according to the book, I now have a new respect for the word 'moderate'. It was well worth it though. We reached snow and had to stop about 3 ish hours in. I hunted a quail on the way up with no success. We had a small picnic lunch when we reached the top and continued on our merry way, back down Mt. fatty. I hunted the same quail in the same spot, again with no success.
I felt so funny on the way down, lighter and at the same time, the more we descended, the heavier I felt. By the bottom of the trail, I didn't want to leave. We returned to the campsite and were accosted ( not literally) by some rednecks, beer wielding girls from the campsite next to us. They invited us over but we declined, proclaiming that we were much too tired.
Monday, we packed up and headed out. Stopped in Banff for a soak in the Hot Springs and then carried on our way, the scenic route, home. We didn't end up getting home until about 11 or 12pm. The next morning, at about 4am, Mar, Tara and I all had to go to work. It was awesome.
Tonight is the full moon. It's messing with me pretty badly because I haven't been keeping up with any of my energy work. Lets hope this blows over well.
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