There seems to be a lack of sleep for me in this world. On average, lately, I get maybe 6 hours. This is a dilemma for me, as I don't do well on little sleep. Strangely enough, my body is getting used to it. I'm not nearly as cranky, and I don't feel like randomly crying because my body is so exhausted. I just mostly feel full of heavy fuzz. Kinda like being hungover, my body is a strange and sickly warm, but without the headache. I have in fact been getting headaches at work though. These last three days have coerced me into buy Motrin liqui-gels, which I take before going to work. I can feel the headaches looming as soon as I wake up in the morning.
How is work? I finally made over 40hrs this week. Only by 2.5 hours I think, but still I'll be clearing 1k on my paycheck if next week goes as well. I worked with Jeff this Friday. Laboring for them is extra hard, I don't think I could labor for them full time though,not because the work is difficult, but because it's so hot out and we are on acreages so there is little shade. I almost passed out yesterday from the heat. I like that I can easily load and unload twenty or so 10ft, 50pnd steel drilling rods though. The only thing that sucked about it was that I had to carry them on my left shoulder, which is much weaker than my right, so now my left shoulder hurts. I don't know if it's from muscles growing or just the fact that I carried almost two thousand pounds of steel in one small area on my shoulder.
My mom came into town yesterday, she took Hitomi to the vet while I was at work. She's okay, she was throwing up because of the pain. She had a bruised stomach and her scrapes were painful. I feel awful about that, when I heard that I almost wanted to cry. Like come on Hayley, the cat just fell 6 floors, of course she'd be in pain, and you could have helped her by taking her to the vet sooner to get her pain meds. Stupid. I still feel responsible for what happened. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't trust me with their animals again. I'm being too hard on myself I know, but that's just the way I feel about that. Poor kitty :(.
I told mom that I'm gay. She more brought it up herself. We were talking about (oh yeah!) how I'm related to Jeff, who I work with. His mom is Gary's aunt. So Gary is his cousin, and Gary is my sisters ex, who she has kids with. My mom and aunt both know Judy, Jeff's mom. Anyways, she said, "Now they'll give you a raise and baby you and you can flirt with the guys because your practically family. haha." And I replied "uhm.. no." And she said "right you ARE one of the guys." then it went something along the lines of her just saying straight up that she feels more comfortable with the idea because she couldn't stand the thought of me being with a guy. Then I said, "yeah, girls are much nicer anyways." Then we talked about how most of my friends were girls and how she knew a long time ago. She said she would have preferred I'd been more open about it and I told her I just wasn't 100% before. Then she asked about Tara and Jake, because they all ask about Tara and Jake. I told her that Tara and Jake have known each other for a really long time. And then she asked where Marissa fit into all this and I told her that we weren't really talking anymore because of everything.
How is work? I finally made over 40hrs this week. Only by 2.5 hours I think, but still I'll be clearing 1k on my paycheck if next week goes as well. I worked with Jeff this Friday. Laboring for them is extra hard, I don't think I could labor for them full time though,not because the work is difficult, but because it's so hot out and we are on acreages so there is little shade. I almost passed out yesterday from the heat. I like that I can easily load and unload twenty or so 10ft, 50pnd steel drilling rods though. The only thing that sucked about it was that I had to carry them on my left shoulder, which is much weaker than my right, so now my left shoulder hurts. I don't know if it's from muscles growing or just the fact that I carried almost two thousand pounds of steel in one small area on my shoulder.
My mom came into town yesterday, she took Hitomi to the vet while I was at work. She's okay, she was throwing up because of the pain. She had a bruised stomach and her scrapes were painful. I feel awful about that, when I heard that I almost wanted to cry. Like come on Hayley, the cat just fell 6 floors, of course she'd be in pain, and you could have helped her by taking her to the vet sooner to get her pain meds. Stupid. I still feel responsible for what happened. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't trust me with their animals again. I'm being too hard on myself I know, but that's just the way I feel about that. Poor kitty :(.
I told mom that I'm gay. She more brought it up herself. We were talking about (oh yeah!) how I'm related to Jeff, who I work with. His mom is Gary's aunt. So Gary is his cousin, and Gary is my sisters ex, who she has kids with. My mom and aunt both know Judy, Jeff's mom. Anyways, she said, "Now they'll give you a raise and baby you and you can flirt with the guys because your practically family. haha." And I replied "uhm.. no." And she said "right you ARE one of the guys." then it went something along the lines of her just saying straight up that she feels more comfortable with the idea because she couldn't stand the thought of me being with a guy. Then I said, "yeah, girls are much nicer anyways." Then we talked about how most of my friends were girls and how she knew a long time ago. She said she would have preferred I'd been more open about it and I told her I just wasn't 100% before. Then she asked about Tara and Jake, because they all ask about Tara and Jake. I told her that Tara and Jake have known each other for a really long time. And then she asked where Marissa fit into all this and I told her that we weren't really talking anymore because of everything.
I've been having really intense dreams about Marissa these past three nights. They all consist of her being really upset, crying to me and telling me she's sorry. Sometimes she cries and tells me she can't deal with anything anymore. She tells me she needs me. It's scares me, I don't know how to help her in these dreams, I try to tell her I'm sorry as well, and that I lover her, but I can't speak, so I just stand there and hug her and let her cry. Sometimes I can't get to her, and it's like she's behind glass or something. I feel so useless and then I get this devastated feeling that washes over me and I wake up almost in tears. I feel like I should text her and ask her if she's okay, but I don't know if she wants to talk to me at all. I keep asking Carys, Jake and Tara if I should talk to her and they say it's probably not a good idea. I don't know what to do.
When I got paid on Thursday, I almost bought a round trip to Vancouver, Brian said we weren't working until Monday, then I thought about it a little more. Not rational at all. I got so manic about it so suddenly. Then I ended up working Friday anyways.
Anyways, I'm sitting outside on Heathers step, on B's computer. It's sunny out, and the front of the house is shady. I'm drinking a cup of earl gray tea, and listening to African music while Tanya does aerobics on the lawn. I slept for 5 hours and feel that heavy fuzz, though it's dissipating. I think it's getting blown away with the little white pollen fluffs that are floating effortlessly through the air. I was sickly warm when I woke up, and still am when I go inside. There is a light breeze out here that's keeping my temp in check. I'm waiting for my mother to come and get me so we can go to Value Village and find me some work clothes. Then I might try and convince her that we should go hang out at the ledge. Then we have a movie tonight, and I'll possibly get to see Tim tonight. He got in at about 3 am this morning.
Well, I think that was an adequate blog entry.
-Where do all the lovers, meet with one another?-
When I got paid on Thursday, I almost bought a round trip to Vancouver, Brian said we weren't working until Monday, then I thought about it a little more. Not rational at all. I got so manic about it so suddenly. Then I ended up working Friday anyways.
Anyways, I'm sitting outside on Heathers step, on B's computer. It's sunny out, and the front of the house is shady. I'm drinking a cup of earl gray tea, and listening to African music while Tanya does aerobics on the lawn. I slept for 5 hours and feel that heavy fuzz, though it's dissipating. I think it's getting blown away with the little white pollen fluffs that are floating effortlessly through the air. I was sickly warm when I woke up, and still am when I go inside. There is a light breeze out here that's keeping my temp in check. I'm waiting for my mother to come and get me so we can go to Value Village and find me some work clothes. Then I might try and convince her that we should go hang out at the ledge. Then we have a movie tonight, and I'll possibly get to see Tim tonight. He got in at about 3 am this morning.
Well, I think that was an adequate blog entry.
-Where do all the lovers, meet with one another?-
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