Maybe she just has to sing for the sake of the song.
I don't know if anyone I know reads this. I hope you do and I hope you don't.
I don't miss her anymore. We called it off in March. I left, drove to Calgary and started a new job. I went through all the normal stuff, anger to missing her and trying to get her back. Convincing myself I was better than her. Jealousy of her new girlfriend. I started going out, meeting people. But it was simply to distract I think. Which is not fair to anyone on the other end. So I haven't really seen anyone since March.
I'm feel rather lonely lately, I think I miss the perks of having someone there. Another human being that I can connect with. Simple things, waking up and snuggling into one another or cooking breakfast in bed for someone else. A comfort for the rough nights. Someone to show a deep affection for. I didn't think I wanted that so soon, but I find myself a bit sad this Christmas season.
I know I fucking miss that stupid cat. Seth. I call her once in awhile to see if she can arrange some visiting time, but I guess her new girl lives with her. That's what gets me the most, thinking about some other girl getting his little kitty snuggles and his cute little face kisses. I actually feel a sickness in my stomach, a blinding anger. I want to steal him. But he wouldn't be happy.
I've been off work too long. I'm getting bored and my thoughts are becoming rancid. Stale. I have a little side job to bring me in some extra cash for now.
I'm ending my journey of having nothing. Its hard, our society is built in having our comforts and out knick knacks. I've learned to appreciate the things in my life a little better. But I want to start building something, having my own things, my own space. I'm feeling like a bum. Sleeping on other people couches, invading their space.
Ugh.
Iceland in May sounds good. Maybe I f I come back, everything will have changed.
